


Parabatai Lost (Missing scenes)

by shirasade



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Canon Compliant, Drabble Sequence, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Gen, Parabatai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-18 10:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14211300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirasade/pseuds/shirasade
Summary: Filling in some of the parabatai content for season 3, in drabble form.





	1. Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Sparked by my initial dissatisfaction with the lack of parabatai scenes at the beginning of 3a. Spoilers for the episodes, obviously. Canon-compliant and hence canon pairings will be mentioned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set at some point after 2x20, an angsty missing scene.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Alec seethed, and Jace flinched.

It wasn't as if he'd expected his parabatai to buy his weak explanation, but he'd hoped Alec would somehow realize that everything Jace was doing was for Alec's own good, for his protection. "Isn't all that matters that I'm alive, that our bond is alive?"

Some of Jace's desperation had to be getting to Alec, because he softened imperceptibly. "Just... promise me you'll ask for my help if you need it."

"I promise." Jace jumped at the offered out, and for a moment they both pretended that Jace wasn't lying.


	2. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 300 word coda to 3x03.

Alec's phone rang shortly after his mother had left. Shooting Magnus an apologetic glance, Alec picked up quickly, hoping that everything had gone alright on patrol. As surprisingly well as this evening had gone, Maryse's news notwithstanding, a part of him felt guilty for picking his duty as a son over his duty as a Shadowhunter. That feeling intensified when Izzy asked worriedly, "Alec, have you heard from Jace?"

"No - I haven't." Getting up, Alec began pacing, suddenly full of nervous tension. Magnus lifted an eyebrow in question, but he just shook his head and said urgently, "Izzy, wasn't he supposed to be with you and Clary tonight?"

"We were tailing the owl's latest victim, but it managed to attack and possess her," Izzy explained. "And by _we_ I mean Clary and myself, because Jace had disappeared. We're back at the Institute now and have quarantined Morgan, and he's still not back. Alec, Clary says he hasn't been sleeping, he's been obsessed with Jonathan being the owl - which he isn't, incidentally. But can you feel something?" 

Although he already knew the result, Alec laid a hand against his parabatai rune and focused. _Nothing._ He knew Jace was alive, but that was it. That was everything he'd been feeling ever since Lake Lyn. Shaking his head sadly, he admitted softly, "No. I can't." Fighting the urge to apologize, he tried his best to sound reassuring: "Don't worry, Iz, we'll find him. I'm coming over now."

Izzy didn't reply right away, obviously distracted by voices in the background. Finally she said in a much lighter, relieved tone, "No need, he's back. Go to sleep, we'll fill you in tomorrow."

Without waiting for a reply, she hung up, and Alec was left standing there, feeling strangely bereft. And still the bond lay silent.


	3. Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble set during 3x04.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode finally delivered the parabatai content I craved, but here's a little bit more.

After Clary so abruptly left his office, Alec sat back down with a groan. At least she hadn't lied to his face this time, but he was no closer to figuring out what had happened to his parabatai. Sighing, he picked up the phone. Time to get help. Lydia was back in Idris, and he needed someone he trusted to look into Clave records for him. There _had_ to be something he could do to fix this.

Every day he could feel Jace slipping, even if the bond didn't tell him anything else, and Alec had never felt more lost.


	4. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble set during 3x05.

After Jace had stormed out of his office, Alec wasn't sure if the fact that his parabatai hadn't put up a fight when Alec didn't give him an assignment, basically benching him, was cause for worry or relief. In any case, it seemed the day off had given Jace time to think, and while Alec wasn't happy that Jace was going to the Silent Brothers alone, it really seemed like the only way.

Then Jace stepped into his arms, and the distance that had separated them ever since Lake Lyn melted away. Closing his eyes, Alec allowed himself to hope.


	5. An Empty Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec POV of that hug in 3x06.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My attempt to explain why Alec isn't picking up on the fact that something's wrong with Jace...

Jace was right, of course, Alec was not someone who took walks. Yet after that horrible fight with Magnus, Alec had felt the need to _move_ , so he'd begun to walk, his mind racing with thoughts of Magnus, of his mom, of all the tasks that awaited him at the Institute. 

Running into Jace, all he felt was relief to see his parabatai out and about, seemingly free of the pain that had clung to him before. Alec pulled Jace into a hug and ignored the second's hesitation before he responded - at least _something_ in his life was working out!


	6. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec POV during 3x07, parabatai angst with background Malec. 150 words.

When Magnus swore that he'd give his life to save Jace, part of Alec knew that he should stop his boyfriend, tell him that this was too steep a price to pay. 

Except he still clearly remembered that horrible instant when a part of his soul had gone dark, the moment that he had always suspected but now knew for sure had been when Jace had taken his last breath, leaving Alec alone, screaming in agony. The pain of the broken parabatai bond had been the worst Alec had ever experienced. He didn't know what this said about him, but he knew with bone-deep certainty that he'd do anything, sacrifice anyone to stop it from happening again. 

Wordlessly pulling Magnus into a hug, Alec closed his eyes and prayed to the Angel that he'd still have both, when this ended - his lover and his parabatai, his heart and his soul.


	7. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 200 words of Jace angst for 3x08.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started these because season 3 was lacking in parabatai content at first - we really can't say that anymore, can we? 3x08 was simply amazing, I still can't believe we got this gift!

Ever since dying, Jace's life had turned into a nightmare. He didn't blame Clary for saving him, wasn't sure whether he would have resisted the temptation to bring her back, if it had been her lying lifeless in his arms. However, he couldn't help but wish she hadn't done it, not when it had led to this eternal torture.

All his life, Jace had been strong, a survivor; but now, trapped inside a body no longer his own, forced to witness every horrible deed Lilith made him do, death would have been a welcome release. Yet he couldn't even do that, instead his tormentor revelled in taunting him by stripping him of the comfort of his memories, forcing him to live his worst nightmares over and over, until Jace was stripped to the bones, reduced to a shadow in his own mind.

Then Alec found him, because _of course_ his parabatai would come for him, and Jace collapsed into an embrace that wasn't any less comforting for not being real in a physical sense. Held securely in the haven of Alec's arms, Jace's nightmares didn't stand a chance. 

Sobbing with relief, Jace allowed himself to hope for freedom. For death.


	8. Before the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 150 words of Alec POV just before the fight in 3x10.

Alec had let his parabatai down once, he wouldn't do so again. 

That was the thought that kept reverberating through Alec's head as he readied himself to shoot the man who was part of his very soul. Raising his bow, he was proud to see that his hands were steady as he sighted along the arrow pointing straight at the face that he knew so well. It helped steel his resolve that the familiar eyes were full of ice, completely unlike the Jace who'd clung to him, who'd begged him to end his suffering. And even as the demon taunted him, Alec prepared to relive the searing pain of the bond being severed. 

There would be no Angel, no Clary to risk everything to save the man they both couldn't live without. Except they would have to - and with that thought, Alec loosed the arrow that would end his world.


	9. Rescued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 250 words of Jace POV right after the fight in 3x10.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a ride season 3a was! It started out so unsatisfactory on the parabatai front, only to give us the most amazing content. I don't think I'll ever recover.

The bond was still there. 

That was the first thought in Jace's mind after the demon had left him in a rush of black bile. After everything he'd done while in Lilith's control, at least Alec was still alive - but barely. Jace could _feel_ his soul flicker, and he desperately rushed to his parabatai's side. 

He could remember pushing the arrow into Alec's chest, the glee the owl had felt while Jace screamed in helpless anguish, just as he remembered Alec's words to him. Words he repeated now, too noble for his own good even at death's door, and Jace wanted to shake him, to tell him to save his strength for someone worthier than Jace. Instead he grabbed his stele, pushing aside blood-stained clothes to activate Alec's iratze. 

He could feel it take effect immediately, his parabatai's life force pulsing more regularly, and relief washed over him, threatened to sap what little strength he still had. Only the sudden realization in what position he'd last seen Clary stopped him from collapsing next to Alec. 

He knew he could trust Magnus to take care of his boyfriend, even without magic, so he reluctantly handed Alec his stele, feeling archer's fingers tighten weakly around his own for a second. Activating his runes was easy - leaving his parabatai lying on the ground felt almost impossible, despite his awareness that he needed to hurry to start atoning for his misdeeds.

Alec sent him away with a reassuring nod, once again saving his soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might continue this once 3b starts in August.


	10. Four Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 150 words of Alec POV during 3x11.

It had been four days, and Alec was running on fumes. 

Four days since Clary's death. Four days since Magnus's sacrifice. Four days since he got Jace back, only to feel him slipping away into guilt and despair. They _should_ have had time to regroup, to grieve and recover - instead they had to hunt down the escapees from the Gard, running them all ragged. 

Alec tried to be everywhere at once. They all needed him - the Institute, the Clave, Magnus, Jace... He did his best to put up a front, be strong for them all, but he knew it was only a question of time until he failed. 

When Izzy told him about the scene in Jace's room, fear and anger coiled in the pit of his stomach, the need to cling to his parabatai overwhelming. But it had been four days, and Alec had no time to fall apart.


	11. Belief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100 words of Jace POV for 3x14.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me dealing with this:  
>  _“You promise." "I swear on the angel. The hell with that. I swear on us." "Why us?" "Because there isn't anything I believe in more.”_

Jace swears on his love for Clary, holds her close and pretends that everything is going to be fine.

Getting her back had felt like an undeserved gift, but of course things aren't that simple, not as long as that cursed rune chains Clary to her brother. It had scared Jace how easily Jonathan overpowered him, even if he'd assured Alec that next time he'd be better prepared.

Alec had ostensibly called with news about the Morgenstern sword, but underneath he'd brimmed with worry. It comforts Jace, knowing that his parabatai cares.

Maybe there's something else Jace still believes in.


End file.
